...of Waiting.

My grandfather is in the hospital. He's not doing all that well. And he's been in for a week and a half and counting. Well, I was talking to a friend about it. And he was helping and all and giving me advice(which didn't work because i already knew all of it, but it was a sweet gesture). And he told me that the hard part is accepting that something very well could happen. I get where he's coming from and all, but I... disagree. That's not the hard part. For me, that's the easy part. If I had a checklist, that would be top three. I've already accepted that something could happen. Do I want it to? Absolutely not. Of course not. But, I've already long accepted that something could. He's old and anything's possible. For me, the harder part is.. waiting. Waiting for it to happen. Or waiting for healing and improvement. Whichever. It kills me to know that where it sits right now it could go either way. I need to know. I hate not knowing. I hate it. Also, the other hard part is not being able to be there. Spend time while you have it. He's too far away and I can't go see him. I hate not knowing what's going on at all times. That's the kind of person I am. I hate not knowing. I just wish I could be there at his side. Like he was for me all my life.