... of the Perpetually Alone.

I must say, I absolutely adore these things. But now when I actually think about it, they depress me. When you're the girl who cannot keep and hold onto a friend to save your life, they're not so cute anymore. To me it represents the lost friendships. A heart broken in half. Resembles separation for me. I am just terrible at keeping friends. For the first time ever, I do not have one legitimate best friend(girl). I do not why nor do i know what is wrong with me. Am I really that bad that I get strung along for a year, maybe longer, then all of a sudden *poof* "Nope bye, Kaycie. Found better."? Best friends become aquaintanes, then fade to "oh hey! long time no see!" Then promises are made to catch up, which of course are never, ever kept. And the ones whom I've not lost, are hanging on by a thin, tiny fiber of thread. I just wish that there was someone I could legitimately call 'BFF', because the ones I thought were, clearly do not meet the criteria anymore.

.. of the second choice.

I wish that, just for once, I would be picked above others. That one day, I'd be the best option. I always fail in comparison to someone when it comes to the people I love. Especially you. You go back and forth between her and I and it's beginning to drive me crazy. Because as soon as you get her back you drop, and forget all about, me. Just once, I wish you'd think of me above her. Because I do matter. And you don't realize how much it hurts sometimes. I'd pick you over anyone else. Would it kill you to try and do the same?